Articles

Cover photo taken from NBC Sports.

1 – Ravens (13-3)

Another week, another Super Bowl contender mowed down. This team is a machine, and Lamar Jackson deserves this victory lap with his second MVP.

The only question remaining: can they do it in the playoffs?

2 – 49ers (12-4)

The 49ers are probably going to be my pick to win it all, but they better hope this Christian McCaffrey injury is something that can go away in two weeks worth of rest. Because if it’s anything remotely serious, then it is fully over.

3 – Lions (11-5) 1

The year is 2124. There is a crack in the global warming shield surrounding Earth. Astronauts are going up to explore other planets that may be habitable for human life. Your local Chipotle is still out of everything, and the McDonalds ice cream machine is still broken.

And the Lions are still being cheated out of victories by NFL officiating crews.

4 – Cowboys (11-5) 4

A win is a win, and it’s hard to say a team didn’t “deserve” to win any NFL game. But man, this team is oh so lucky.

And it’s not just because of the officiating debacle at the end — Dallas should never have even been in that position, but they chose to throw the ball three times on their last possession to bleed 11 seconds off the clock with less than two minutes to play.

Mike McCarthy is clearly warming up for another clock management disasterclass in the playoffs.

5 – Browns (11-5) 2

Here’s to hoping Joe Flacco can keep this up for the playoffs.

It might seem like a long shot, but we’ve made it this far!

6 – Bills (10-6) 1

The Bills might be the most entertaining watch in the NFL right now. Not because they do anything exceptionally well, but because you truly never know what the hell you’re going to get from them.

It’s astonishing how much of a rollercoaster ride this team is. We’ll see what happens on Sunday night.

7 – Chiefs (10-6) 2

How far can this championship-level defense carry this everlasting work-in-progress offense? We’ll find out soon enough.

Maybe the week off for the starters will help the Chiefs kick it into high gear in the Wild Card. They better hope that’s the case, because whoever they draw as the 6-seed will provide a heck of a challenge.

8 – Dolphins (11-5) 5

Turns out the Dolphins are also a paper straw! Who would’ve thought?! Definitely not yours truly who warned you about this — *checks watch* — nearly three months ago!

9 – Eagles (11-5) 3

I am loving every second of this absolute collapse. This team’s talent is not able to overcome its flaws, and that will be their downfall in the coming weeks.

Cherish these moments, folks.

10 – Rams (9-7)

God I wish this team was going to Dallas for the Wild Card. I think they have everything it takes to make a run, but I don’t know if they can beat Detroit. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

11 – Jaguars (9-7) 2

Winning games with a backup quarterback is a skill, even when those games come against the worst team in the NFL. And it makes things much simpler for the Jags: win and you’re in.

With Trevor Lawrence likely returning to the lineup, that feels like a near-certainty.

12 – Texans (9-7) 2

Turns out having C.J. Stroud healthy makes quite the difference! Shocking, I know.

While hosting a playoff game is probably out of the realm of likelihood, I still think the chips are going to fall Houston’s way to get to the playoffs and head to the house of the AFC East winner in the first round. More on that later, though.

13 – Seahawks (8-8) 2

Remember all of those positive feelings I had about the Seahawks throughout the course of this season?

Yeah, go ahead and toss all of those out. I don’t even want to see this team in the playoffs anymore.

14 – Buccaneers (8-8) 2

See: Seattle. The difference is that the playoffs are practically a guarantee with Carolina on tap.

15 – Colts (9-7) 3

Unlike the two teams above them, the Colts are a team I would love to see in the playoffs. The only problem is I want to see Houston a lot more.

Sorry, Indy. Next year, with Anthony Richardson back, you will have my undying support!

16 – Packers (8-8) 3

The roller coaster continues in Green Bay. Just when I was ready to bury them, the Packers look primed to win and get into the playoffs for a likely date in Dallas with the Cowboys.

And boy, would I love to see that with the way Jordan Love is playing right now.

17 – Broncos (8-8) 2

You guys aren’t worth my time.

18 – Bengals (8-8) 2

It’s truly a shame how this has all played out for the Bengals. It was a real possibility that things would have turned around with Joe Burrow healthy.

Now, they enter an offseason with a ton of questions and plenty of decisions to be made. We’ll see how successful or unsuccessful it winds up being.

19 – Saints (8-8) 2

They’re going to mess around and win this division aren’t they? Or at least make the playoffs? Either way, I lose.

But, I have conceded already. I can’t win with the Saints.

20 – Steelers (9-7) 4

Just when you think they’re dead and buried, Mason Rudolph of all people brings them back to life. I truly can never believe what I’m seeing from the Steelers.

We’ll see if this is enough to get Pittsburgh in the playoffs. For the sake of my eyes, I hope it’s not.

21 – Bears (7-9) 1

There’s been plenty of dialogue around Justin Fields and the No. 1 pick now that the Bears are on the clock courtesy of the ineptitude of the Carolina Panthers.

While I think Justin has done enough to retain a job, I’m not sure it’s in Chicago, no matter how much the players and fans love him. I also think this second-half “offensive boom” is being blown completely out of proportion; they’ve played an awful schedule and the stats don’t back up anything but a mediocre to below-average offensive output. It just feels like it makes more sense to move on and select a top QB with the first pick in the draft with a higher floor, a lower ceiling and a much smaller cap hit, despite the fact that you can get a king’s ransom for the No. 1 pick.

It’s no one’s fault. It’s just business.

22 – Raiders (8-8) 1

Losses like those sting a bit, but at least Davante Adams popped off for certain people’s fantasy championships. We take those.

23 – Falcons (7-9) 6

It’s almost over. Mercifully.

24 – Vikings (7-9) 4

See: Cincinnati.

25 – Titans (5-11)

That was as ugly as it gets. The Titans are in for some big changes in the coming months. They might be a contender for the 2025 No. 1 pick if we’re being honest.

We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, but the rebuild feels fully on in Nashville.

26 – Chargers (5-11)

See: Atlanta.

27 – Giants (5-11)

The most important takeaway from the last two games is that Tyrod Taylor is still a hooper. That’s literally all that matters for me.

28 – Cardinals (4-12) 2

See: New England and New York Jets last week.

For beating both Dallas and Philadelphia this year, and winning just enough games to put us in position for the No. 2 pick, the Cardinals are in extremely good graces with me.

If only they could’ve beaten us in Week 1 as well.

29 – Jets (6-10) 1

See: Atlanta/Los Angeles Chargers.

30 – Patriots (4-12) 1

You guys have one more win in you, don’t y’all? You always beat the Jets. I just need you to do it one more time, and I will never say a bad thing about the franchise ever again.

31 – Commanders (4-12)

One loss away from landing a franchise-changing quarterback. Combine that with the right hires at head coach and GM, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to be optimistic with this franchise for once.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t mess this up.

32 – Panthers (2-14)

Don’t throw any drinks on me, please!

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Cover photo taken from KGET.

1 – Ravens (12-3) 1

In one fell swoop, the Ravens became AFC and Super Bowl favorites, Lamar Jackson became the MVP and they became the most feared team in the league.

That’s a pretty good Christmas, if you ask me.

2 – 49ers (11-4) 1

It’s not surprising that Brock Purdy melted in a big moment. It is surprising that he melted down that badly. It’s perhaps even more shocking that the defense played as poorly as it did.

But perhaps San Francisco needed this reality check while they’re fully healthy. And the good news is, they’ll still have home field advantage in the playoffs.

3 – Dolphins (11-4) 5

It took the Dolphins til Christmas Eve to beat a team with a winning record, but what a win it was. It helps instill just the slightest bit of confidence that this team is going to do something in the playoffs.

But first, they have to win the division. And I still don’t know how much I believe in their ability to do so.

4 – Lions (11-4)

All-around sound. Nothing more to say about the Lions that I haven’t been saying for weeks. Give them their flowers.

And man, what a feeling it must be to win the division for the first time in 30 years.

5 – Bills (9-6) 2

Not the most convincing of victories on Saturday, but a win is a win.

They just have to do it two more times.

6 – Eagles (11-4)

They’re starting to become unimpressive. The flaws are making themselves more and more apparent. The playcalling seems to be getting worse and worse, and the secondary is a glaring weak spot.

Fine by me!

7 – Browns (10-5) 2

Everyone says the Bills are the team that no one in the AFC wants to see in the playoffs, but I honestly think that title belongs to the Browns. This defense is elite and — against all odds — Joe Flacco is playing out of his mind. They just keep winning and winning and winning.

I assure you, this team is going to win a playoff game. I just don’t know where it’s going to be.

8 – Cowboys (10-5) 3

Should’ve seen that coming!

This team is a fugazi. Nothing but a paper straw.

9 – Chiefs (9-6) 6

I’m finally cutting ties with the hope that the Chiefs are going to figure it out. There are two weeks left in the regular season. This is who they are: an above-average team being held back by a complete lack of competence from its offense.

They aren’t going to host the AFC Championship Game. Hell, they might not even get there. I will never doubt Patrick Mahomes in the playoffs, but what more can he do at this point?

10 – Rams (8-7)

As I’ve been saying, the Rams are the Browns/Bills of the NFC.

You do not want to see them in January.

11 – Seahawks (8-7)

The Seahawks might just be the most inconsistent team in the league. I just never know what I’m going to get. The playoffs are almost a certainty, but once they’re there? I don’t see anything happening.

12 – Buccaneers (8-7) 5

Props to Baker Mayfield for making me eat crow time and time again. He is playing better than most quarterbacks right now, and this team is thriving off of it. Whoever winds up with the 5-seed in the NFC is not going to have an easy time in Tampa.

13 – Jaguars (8-7)

Just throw in the towel. It’s over.

14 – Texans (8-7)

If C.J. Stroud comes back this week, the division is right there for the taking. Just gotta reach out and grab it.

15 – Broncos (7-8) 3

Be embarrassed. Between the on- and off-the-field antics, this team has regressed into what they were two months ago: a bad joke.

16 – Bengals (8-7) 1

The Jake Browning Linsanity run was fun while it lasted.

17 – Falcons (7-8) 4

Please don’t wind up winning this division. None of us want to see you play more games.

18 – Colts (8-7) 2

The Gardner Minshew Linsanity run was fun while it lasted.

19 – Packers (7-8) 1

Oh look, Jordan Love remembered how to play football. The defense, on the other hand, still hasn’t. That’s what happens when you employ Joe Barry.

20 – Vikings (7-8) 2

The Vikings have thrown in the towel, and I do not blame them at all. It’s a true shame how this season ended up playing out.

21 – Saints (7-8) 2

It’s okay, Saints fans. It’s almost over.

22 – Bears (6-9) 1

I truly think Justin Fields has done enough to keep his job for another year. While the Bears have options, I think it makes too much sense to keep Justin for another year and continue this rebuild around him.

23 – Raiders (7-8) 1

Antonio Pierce, man. What a guy. How are the Raiders better at appointing interim-head coaches than finding actual ones?

24 – Steelers (8-7) 4

So, you won a game. Don’t think this brings you back into my good graces. I still want nothing to do with you.

25 – Titans (5-10) 3

Thanks for the memories this season, Will Levis. We’ll be seeing you in September.

26 – Chargers (5-10) 1

See: New Orleans.

27 – Giants (5-10) 1

The Tommy Devito Linsanity run was fun while it lasted.

28 – Jets (6-9) 1

Thank you so so so much. Your willingness to win will forever live in the hearts of Washington fans. Our imminent franchise-changing QB is forever in your debt.

29 – Patriots (4-11) 2

See: New York Jets.

30 – Cardinals (3-12) 1

Can you do me a favor and win a game or two down the stretch? Cheers.

31 – Commanders (4-11) 1

While it has never been more over than it currently is, we might finally have a generational talent at QB fall into our lap. Just two more losses to go. Bring it home, baby.

32 – Panthers (2-13)

Good for Bryce Young to put a few great games on tape. The kid has a bright future. The team just needs to do the right thing and rebuild successfully. But, with David Tapper at the helm, that feels like an impossibility.

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Cover photo taken from Syracuse.com.

1 – 49ers (11-3)

“Buzzsaw” is starting to look like an understatement. Brock Purdy isn’t about to win MVP, is he?

2 – Ravens (11-3) 1

Never thought I’d be looking forward to Christmas because the Baltimore Ravens are playing, but here we are. Monday night’s contest in the Bay is my most-anticipated regular season tilt in… God knows how long.

3 – Chiefs (9-5) 2

I mean… that’s fine, I guess. Still need to see some real improvement against some real competition.

4 – Lions (10-4) 2

Consider me re-convinced. That was amazing.

5 – Cowboys (10-4) 3

Felt like a return to Earth was inevitable, but man… it wasn’t supposed to look like that.

6 – Eagles (10-4) 2

I’m loving absolutely every single second of this.

7 – Bills (8-6) 2

It’s true that nobody wants to see the Bills right now. It’s not true that nobody wants to see the Bills in the playoffs, considering they are incapable of winning at that time. Let’s stop that narrative, please.

8 – Dolphins (10-4) 1

Didn’t really want to bump Miami down this week, but there was literally nothing else I could have done.

9 – Browns (9-5) 1

Didn’t really want to up Cleveland down this week, but there was literally nothing else I could have done. Sigh.

10 – Rams (7-7) 3

The Rams are the Bills of the NFC, but the media will never give them that. I, however, will. Largely because my preseason take about this team will haunt me forever.

11 – Seahawks (7-7) 6

That was as much-needed of a win as they come in this league. What once looked like a team crashing out of the playoffs suddenly has a sharp upward trajectory. Should be a fascinating final few weeks.

12 – Broncos (7-7) 4

Literally the exact opposite of the Seahawks. We’re back to the September weirdness in Denver.

13 – Jaguars (8-6) 2

Just so… meh.

14 – Texans (8-6) 2

Moving the Texans down this week felt criminal, but I still don’t know what to expect out of them while C.J. Stroud continues to miss time, especially now that they have to face Cleveland.

15 – Bengals (8-6)

The legend of Jake Browning is truly something to behold. Cincinnati really had no business winning that game on Saturday, but here we are. And a playoff spot is theirs to lose.

16 – Colts (8-6)

I’ve been singing this team’s praises for a while now, and for good reason. They’re just so solid and extremely deserving of a playoff spot. I hope they get it.

17 – Buccaneers (7-7) 3

I’ll be damned, this team is actually going to win the division, and it might actually be because Baker Mayfield is an above average quarterback. These are truly the end times.

18 – Vikings (7-7) 1

I was wrong. It doesn’t really matter who lines up under center for the Vikings. They’re going to be competitive no matter what. They literally don’t know what it’s like to be uncompetitive.

19 – Saints (7-7) 3

Real strong possibility this team loses out, and I wouldn’t mind that at all.

20 – Packers (6-8) 6

I victory lapped far too soon. Consider this a lesson learned. Also, it’s nice to know that Joe Barry will likely never have another NFL job.

21 – Falcons (6-8)

Should I have moved the Falcons down this week? Probably. But I’ve been lower on them than most for the entirety of the season, and no team below them deserves to jump them. So they stay put.

22 – Titans (5-9) 1

Where is Derrick Henry? Has anyone seen him? Isn’t he supposed to be a key to this team’s success? No? I guess not.

23 – Bears (5-9) 1

We’re approaching the “Bears drafting a QB at No. 1 is a mistake” territory. No, seriously.

24 – Raiders (6-8) 4

Hahahahaha that was incredible. Thank you for that.

25 – Chargers (5-9) 7

Brandon Staley fired three games too late… maybe a couple of seasons too late.

26 – Giants (5-9) 1

Did you guys know Tommy Devito is Italian?

27 – Jets (4-10) 1

I have zero interest in watching this team play a single second of football for the remainder of the season. Which is fantastic, because they host us this weekend.

28 – Steelers (7-7) 1

While I might still be acting too harsh towards the Steelers, I’d like to think that no team quarterbacked by Mason Rudolph deserves a spot anywhere but the bottom five.

29 – Cardinals (3-11)

The Cardinals’ jig is up. Being kind of competitive isn’t competitive enough.

30 – Commanders (4-10)

What a roller coaster it has been. From “wow Sam Howell is kind of good” to “Sam Howell is the future” to Sam Howell being benched and likely losing the keys to the franchise is the epitome of this team’s quarterback situation in my lifetime. One day, the pain will end. Today is not that day.

31 – Patriots (3-11)

Congratulations, you were just competitive enough to remain at 31 this week. Barely.

32 – Panthers (2-12)

Carolina winning on Sunday felt inevitable. Good for the team, and all four fans who stuck around in the deluge to watch it.

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Cover photo taken from Lone Star Live.

1 – 49ers (10-3)

Buzzsaw.

2 – Cowboys (10-3) 1

Playing perhaps the best football of any team in the league right now. Would be fascinated to see how a game against San Francisco would look today.

3 – Ravens (10-3) 1

They’re finding ways to win. That’s scary.

4 – Eagles (10-3) 2

LOL.

5 – Chiefs (8-5)

Had no idea what to do with them. Such a strange second half of this season.

6 – Lions (9-4)

See: above.

7 – Dolphins (9-4)

See: above again.

8 – Broncos (7-6) 4

I don’t think anyone in the league wants to see this team right now.

9 – Bills (7-6) 4

See: above.

10 – Browns (8-5) 4

Joe Flacco leading the Browns to the playoffs in 2023. Who would’ve thought?

11 – Jaguars (8-5) 2

I think they’ll be fine. Division should be free to take.

12 – Texans (7-6) 4

Injuries suck.

13 – Rams (6-7) 3

I don’t care that they lost or that they’re below .500. This is a damn good team.

14 – Packers (6-7) 4

So much for me being vindicated.

15 – Bengals (7-6) 5

The legend of Jake Browning. This is a playoff team with him playing like this.

16 – Colts (7-6) 5

In a battle of backups, Gardner Minshew got one-upped.

17 – Seahawks (6-7) 2

Okay, now it’s fully falling apart.

18 – Chargers (5-8) 1

How is Brandon Staley still employed?

19 – Vikings (7-6) 1

From perhaps the ugliest win ever to demoting Josh Dobbs to a third-string QB and putting your season in the hands of Nick Mullens… yeah, it’s over.

20 – Buccaneers (6-7) 4

Thank you for making this division even more hilarious.

21 – Falcons (6-7) 1

You had one job.

22 – Saints (6-7) 1

Please don’t win this division.

23 – Titans (5-8) 2

Good for Will Levis and the Titans. They needed that.

24 – Bears (5-8) 2

Justin Fields might’ve secured his job for next season. Whether that’s in Chicago or elsewhere is yet to be determined.

25 – Giants (5-8) 2

Is Tommy Devito… the answer?

26 – Jets (5-8) 4

That must’ve felt like an exorcism.

27 – Steelers (7-6) 8

Even I realize that this is harsh, but golly. What the hell is going on?

28 – Raiders (5-8) 7

Never again.

29 – Cardinals (3-10) 1

One month away from Marvin Harrison Jr.

30 – Commanders (4-9) 1

Bye weeks are the best.

31 – Patriots (3-10) 1

Where on Earth did that come from?

32 – Panthers (1-12) 1

simpsons_stop_hes_already_dead.jpg

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Cover photo taken from AP News.

1 – 49ers (9-3) 1

I told you they were back.

2 – Eagles (10-2) 1

It’s about damn time.

3 – Cowboys (9-3) 2

Still need to see it against real competition to believe it. Real chance to make a statement on Sunday night.

4 – Ravens (9-3)

We’ll see what happens.

5 – Chiefs (8-4) 2

Real problems.

6 – Lions (9-3)

Keep finding ways to win.

7 – Dolphins (9-3)

See: Dallas. Only difference is this schedule is still a joke until Christmas Eve.

8 – Texans (7-5) 5

Best win in years.

9 – Jaguars (8-4) 1

Is Lawrence ok?

10 – Packers (6-6) 7

Am I about to be vindicated?

11 – Colts (7-5) 4

Just a solid team that always pulls it out. Playoffs are in sight.

12 – Broncos (6-6) 3

Still a chance, but it just got a lot harder.

13 – Bills (6-6) 2

Season comes down to Sunday.

14 – Browns (7-5) 4

Shockingly, Joe Flacco isn’t the answer.

15 – Seahawks (6-6) 3

It’s starting to fall apart a wee bit.

16 – Rams (6-6) 4

Consider me proven wrong.

17 – Chargers (5-7) 1

That was ugly.

18 – Vikings (6-6) 2

One last push?

19 – Steelers (7-5) 5

It’s over.

20 – Bengals (6-6) 1

That was unexpected.

21 – Raiders (5-7) 1

What do you possibly have left in the tank?

22 – Falcons (6-6) 1

That was ugly x2.

23 – Saints (5-7) 4

Yikes.

24 – Buccaneers (5-7) 1

That was ugly x3.

25 – Titans (4-8) 1

Yikes x2.

26 – Bears (4-8)

This is fun, but don’t blow the top five pick, now.

27 – Giants (4-8)

See: above.

28 – Cardinals (3-10) 2

Almost called it.

29 – Commanders (4-9) 1

Good lord.

30 – Jets (4-8) 1

It has never been more over.

31 – Panthers (1-11) 1

Somehow not 32nd this week.

32 – Patriots (2-10) 1

Officially the worst team in the league. Scoring double digit points isn’t rocket science.

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