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Cover photo taken from Pride of Detroit.

1 – 49ers (5-1)

It wouldn’t feel quite fair to knock the 49ers to lose a game that they lost at the behest of poor refereeing and a missed field goal at the death after losing three of their best players, including the guy who currently has my MVP vote. It especially didn’t feel right considering that this is the NFL where great teams lose all the time, and a lot of other very good teams didn’t look the part on Sunday.

So, San Francisco remains on top, where they rightfully belong. I do think Brock Purdy’s worst performance yet could definitely be a cause for concern, but he was playing a defense that’s on a historic tear and, like I said, lost three of his best offensive players. He and the rest of the unit should be fine moving forward. But, that could change if these injuries start to pile up and derail them — a story that the Niners are definitely tired of hearing at this point. 

2 – Chiefs (5-1) 1

The Chiefs and Eagles have flip-flopped a good deal over these last few weeks. The main reason I’m bumping KC back up to the No. 2 slot is their defense, which has looked a lot better than Philly’s has. This is the best defense the Chiefs have had in the Patrick Mahomes era, and their dominance makes up for the shortcomings of Mahomes and the offense.

Those shortcomings continue to be a bit concerning, but it’s not like they’re the 2022 Broncos offense. Patrick just threw for 300 yards and Rashee Rice is starting to emerge as a potential WR1. The problem is finishing drives and limiting poor turnovers — something the Chiefs have had a lot of trouble with in recent weeks. I’d like to think they’re just throwing stuff at the wall because they’re bored. We won’t have our answer until they travel to Germany in a few weeks to take on the Dolphins. 

3 – Eagles (5-1) 1

Yikes. Losing to the Jets for the first time in franchise history thanks to three Jalen Hurts interceptions and incompetence in the defensive backfield against Zach Wilson is a bad look.

I’m not going to overreact though; the Jets defense is nothing short of elite, even without their top corners, and the Birds were due for a dud. But Hurts hasn’t been nearly as good as he was last year, especially when he plays defenses with a pulse, and although the defensive front is arguably the best in the league, the secondary continues to hold the unit back. Now, they’re dealing with injuries to make matters even worse.

Jalen and the offense will bounce back, but there are some cracks starting to show all over the place. With an absolute gauntlet of elite teams and offenses coming up, we’re about to see just what the 2023 Eagles are made of. 

4 – Dolphins (5-1)

There’s nothing new I can say about the Dolphins. I will say this though… yes, their offense is mesmerizing, but we need to examine their schedule up to this point. 

First was the Chargers: the worst secondary in football. Then, the Patriots: maybe the worst team in football with the worst starting quarterback in the league. Then came the Broncos: worst total defense, worst rushing defense, worst scoring defense and third worst passing defense in football. After starting 3-0, they played the only team with a pulse on their schedule thus far: the Bills, who absolutely decimated them on both sides of the ball. And the Bills aren’t even that good. After that humbling, they’ve beat up on the Giants and Panthers at home, two of the worst teams and offensive lines in the NFL.

So, to recap, Miami’s five wins are against the two worst scoring defenses in the league, the three worst rushing defenses in the league, two of the three worst passing defenses in the league, the second worst passing offense in the league, and the worst scoring offense in the league. 

Maybe, just maybe, this is a fugazi. Only time will tell. I think the Dolphins are a very good team. A great team, even. And they’re only going to get better once they get healthier. I’m just saying, we should be a bit cautious. 

5 – Lions (5-1)

In a week littered with such strange performances from teams at the top, I had half a mind to put the Lions at the No. 1 spot considering how dominant they looked in what we all expected to be a close game in Tampa.

With their top two running backs out, the offense didn’t miss a beat, in large part thanks to Amon-Ra St. Brown’s monster return to the field. Jared Goff continues to play like an MVP candidate behind what might just be the best offensive line in the league. But, as I’ve been saying all year long, the most impressive trend in Detroit is the play of the defense. The Lions are one of only two teams in the league with a top seven offense and defense. The other? San Francisco.

This team is elite. They might just be the best in the NFC right now, if not the league. Considering how wide open the NFL looks right now, who knows what 2023 has in store for the Lions?

6 – Jaguars (4-2)

Death. Taxes. The Jaguars beating the Colts in Jacksonville.

There’s not a whole lot I can say about that performance, other than that it was more dominant than I expected. Travis Etienne continues to look like one of the best running backs in the league, Trevor Lawrence keeps on doing his thing, and the defense still looks better and better by the week.

I understand that they just played a below average team with a backup quarterback, but considering how the Jags looked in their first matchup with the Colts and some of the lows we’ve seen out of them thus far, it inspires a lot of confidence to see them ball out the way they have in recent weeks. 

7 – Ravens (4-2) 2

See what happens when Lamar Jackson gets some help from his surrounding cast? It’s that easy!

Sunday’s win across the pond showcased the exact formula that Baltimore needs to execute week in and week out to keep on winning games: help Lamar enough and let the defense do the rest. Considering the talent level on both sides of the ball, it should not be as hard as they made it look through the first month or so. The Ravens need to keep this up though, as the rest of the division continues to nip at their heels. 

8 – Bills (4-2) 1

The Bills are the only team to move down after a win this week. I feel like I don’t really need to explain myself here, but just in case you needed some evidence, here it is:

Buffalo was outgained by the Giants through the air and on the ground. Buffalo lost the turnover battle. Buffalo lost the time of possession battle. Buffalo didn’t score until the fourth quarter against a bottom five scoring defense. By all accounts, Buffalo should have lost at home as two-touchdown favorites in a primetime game against perhaps the worst team in the NFL, in large part thanks to offensive shortcomings.

I’ll give credit to Josh Allen for pulling this team out of the dirt and leading them to victory, but it should never, ever have been that close. The Giants had the ball on the goal line twice and came away with 0 points. Just a field goal on both of those possessions would have led to the upset. The game marked the second consecutive week where the Bills had just 7 points with five minutes left in the game. There are real issues with this offense, and although the defense had an okay game, they’re clearly reeling from their losses due to injury. If all of this continues to persist, it’ll be hard to have much faith in the Bills moving forward. 

9 – Cowboys (4-2) 1

After last week’s embarrassment, the Cowboys played perhaps the most predictable game of all time on Monday night, picking up a narrow win over the Chargers. But, two things stood out to me about their performance: the play of Dak Prescott and the defensive dominance. 

Both make sense when you consider the context. Dak was facing the worst pass defense in the league, and the defense was due for a bounce-back night after getting tossed around the previous week by the 49ers. But to see it all come together like that was a positive sign.

What’s not a positive sign, however, is how that only led to a three-point win against a pretty “meh” team in the Chargers, who practically handed them the game. My biggest takeaway from these last two weeks is that Dallas is going to be in close games against any team with a semblance of a pulse, and if they match up with a truly elite team, then it’s not going to be pretty. 

10 – Browns (3-2) 1o

I’ve admittedly been underrating the Browns all year long compared to a lot of other Power Rankings. My main rationale for that was that, despite their defensive dominance, I didn’t really buy into their offense. And although I still have to be convinced, I have no choice but to put some respect on Cleveland after Sunday’s huge win over the undefeated 49ers. 

It’s not just that the defense is dominant, by the way. They’re historically great. They’re statistically the best defense that the NFL has seen in 50 years. 50 years! Only giving up 200 yards per game is absolutely incredible. That unit deserves every game ball, but especially Sunday’s, as they completely decimated a 49ers offense which had cut through every other opponent. Yes, Deebo Samuel and Christian McCaffrey weren’t a part of the equation for a large majority of the game, but they still deserve their flowers.

This is the type of defense to completely carry a team through a season, no matter how lackluster the offense is. If they can beat the Niners with P.J. Walker starting at QB, then who knows what else they’re capable of? 

11 – Bengals (3-3) 6

I’m still not going to rush to any conclusions and declare the Bengals as “back” because their offense is simply too inconsistent. This is a big jump, but it’s not because Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase necessarily lit up the scoreboard again. It’s because the Cincinnati defense continues to come up huge in all of the biggest moments. 

By all accounts, it’s a daily middle-of-the-pack defense, and that’s reflected in the statistics. They just get stops and force turnovers at all the most opportune moments. They completely shut down the Seahawks in the redzone on back-to-back drives to seal Sunday’s win. The Bengals had no business winning that game, which shows in the box score, but the defense ensured that they did. And that was absolutely massive as they’re now back to .500 and still just one game out of first place.

Now, they head into a bye against a massive stretch with games consecutive games against San Francisco and Buffalo. If they win one or both of those games, then maybe I’ll say the Bengals are back. 

12 – Rams (3-3)

Predictably, getting Cooper Kupp back completely elevated this already elite offense to new, but familiar heights. There’s not much that needs to be said about that.

The defense played what was probably their best game of the year, which was an inspiring sight. But, they were also playing the Cardinals, and the wheels are starting to come off their offense. So, I’m taking it with a grain of salt.

Simply put, the Rams did what they were supposed to do on Sunday. Nothing more, nothing less. For that, they stay put. I’m going to need to see a lot more out of them against much better opposition to get a better read on them. 

13 – Seahawks (3-2) 5

I feel like I’m being very harsh to the Seahawks here. Maybe it’s deserved considering how they completely threw away Sunday’s win. The way I see it, I’m giving them room to redeem themselves. 

Neither side of the ball looked poor by any means on Sunday as the offense racked up yards at will and the defense got up to their usual lockdown ways, especially in the secondary. They outgained the Bengals by nearly 160 yards, forced one more turnover than Cincy, and held the ball for six more minutes. But, as I said above, the two late redzone stops completely buried them. 

So, by all accounts the Seahawks deserved to win. Still, considering the way it played out in addition to the performances of some other teams in this proverbial tier of the Power Rankings, I had to knock them down this far. 

14 – Texans (3-3) 4

In a season with no standout MVP candidates other than Christian McCaffrey, are were sure C.J. Stroud isn’t in the thick of the race? The rookie signal-caller continues to be the best player in his class, using his precision accuracy and veteran anticipation to lead his team to victories.

The Texans have already matched their win total from a year ago, and it only took six games. That’s a remarkable achievement for this franchise, and it’s all thanks to the former Buckeye. Their defense also continues to improve — they may give up a lot of yards, but they step up when their number is called.

As it stands, the Texans have a long way to go before contending with Jacksonville for a division title. But I love absolutely everything that’s going on in Houston. And it’s only going to keep getting better. 

15 – Jets (3-3) 9

The Jets very well might have the best culture in the NFL. That culture is leading directly to wins. It’s honestly so much fun to watch. 

This team had no business beating the Eagles — for the first time in franchise history, might I add — with Zach Wilson starting under center behind a beat-up offensive line and with the secondary being littered with injuries. But they did thanks to an inspiring fourth quarter performance. The defense is going to get healthier, and for all his faults, Zach Wilson is playing some decent ball, which means more wins are coming for the Jets.

This was the type of win to completely turn a season around. They are going to be in the thick of this Wild Card race. 

16 – Chargers (2-3) 5

I don’t know what to say about the Chargers anymore. The feeling that’s most prominent when it comes to them is concern.

I think Justin Herbert’s hand injury is a bigger problem than we realize, I think Austin Ekeler being largely ineffective in his return is troubling, and that defense is just so damn bad.

Combine all of that with the fact that the Chargers are perennially incapable of winning big or close games and you have a team that’s destined for a very, very mediocre season. 

17 – Steelers (3-2) 2

The Steelers had themselves a bye week ahead of a very interesting matchup out west against the Rams on Sunday in what should be a great test for their defense. More on that tomorrow. 

18 – Packers (2-3) 3

The Packers’ bye week probably couldn’t have come at a better time as Jordan Love tries to bounce back from last week’s miserable Monday night performance and Aaron Jones continues to try and come back from his injury. 

The good news for Green Bay is that they’re facing Denver this week in what figures to be a get-right spot for Love and whoever lines up at running back as the Broncos give up the most total and rushing yards per game of any team in the league. 

19 – Buccaneers (3-2) 6

For the second consecutive home game, the Buccaneers laid a complete dud against one of the NFL’s elites. But for this one to come off a bye week is pretty telling.

This is a team that’s going to beat all of the bad teams on its schedule, and plenty of the mediocre ones. They’re going to put together some eye-opening games, like they did in New Orleans a few weeks ago. They might be good enough to win this division or fight for a Wild Card spot. But they’re really nothing special. 

20 – Saints (3-3) 4

The Saints might just be the most infuriating watch in the NFL right now. They’re just such a nothing team. They put up completely empty stats which mean nothing by the fourth quarter because that’s when they forget how to move the football. The defense is great until it’s time to actually be great, where they refuse to. Their only convincing performance came against what might be the worst offense the NFL has seen in years.

It’s not that the Saints are puzzling. It’s that they’re painfully boring and impossible to care about. They do nothing that makes anyone care about their games, and their games are all the same. It’s mind-numbing. 

21 – Commanders (3-3) 2

Oh look, a win! I almost forgot what these looked like.

Here’s the skinny: it feels good to win, but that was not a very good performance by any means, and I still don’t feel good about this team at all.

Yes, Sam Howell was slicing and dicing to the tune of his first three-touchdown game. But he also kept on taking bad sacks and remains on pace to be the most-sacked quarterback in a season in NFL history. Yes, the defense nabbed three game-clinching interceptions. But they were playing what is probably the worst quarterback in the NFL who handed the game to them on a silver platter.

At the end of the day, we still were outgained by over 200 yards while putting up less than 200 yards ourselves, we held the ball for 13 less minutes, and realistically had no business winning. It’s not a sustainable formula, and one that certainly won’t fly against teams with better quarterbacks than Desmond Ridder. That’s essentially each of the 30 other teams in the NFL. 

22 – Falcons (3-3) 8

I told you so.

The defense is good. The skill position players are more than good.

The quarterback is anything but.

See: No. 21.

23 – Raiders (3-3) 2

The Raiders are kind of like the Saints in the sense that they’re also a “nothing” team, but for some reason, I enjoy watching them far more than New Orleans. At least Vegas keeps things entertaining.

Despite consecutive wins to get back to .500, I’m still not very impressed by this team, and another injury to Jimmy Garoppolo makes it much harder to be. I also hate how Josh Jacobs and Davante Adams continue to be ghosts in this offense. But hey, it’s working. 

24 – Colts (3-3) 3

The news that Anthony Richardson’s season is over is actually so sad. I loved watching the rookie work, but shutting him down is the right decision. He has proven that he has the talent to be the centerpiece of this rebuild, and the Colts know that his health is the top priority. I just hope that he comes back stronger and better than ever. That’s going to be one scary sight for the league. 

So, Garnder Minshew will be the main man in Indianapolis for the rest of the year. He might have led the Colts to some early wins, but Sunday’s showing was his worst yet, and this team might be in for a long few months.

If you ask me, their best course of action is to keep losing and bring home a kid with a name that’s very familiar to Colts fans everywhere to pair up with Richardson next year. Just an idea. 

25 – Vikings (2-4) 1

Meh.

Oh, I almost forgot…

Regression to the mean. 11-0 in one-score games in 2022. 2-4 in such games in 2023. Crazy to think last year’s Vikes would be the NFL’s lone unbeaten right now!

26 – Titans (2-4) 4

God, this team is so boring. I don’t envy any of you who woke up early to watch the Titans do nothing offensively for three hours on Sunday morning. I truly never want anything to do with this team. 

Now, to make matters worse, Ryan Tannehill is hurt once again. I know Malik Willis relieved him on Sunday, but if I were the Titans, I’d go ahead and start Will Levis after the bye if Tannehill can’t go. You picked him in the second round for a reason, and he’s more pro-ready than Willis, somehow. Let’s see what the kid can do. 

27 – Cardinals (1-5)

The wheels are starting to fall off the Cardinals, especially offensively. The injury to James Conner has made them completely ineffective on that side of the ball as they didn’t even reach the endzone on Sunday. The defense also continues to struggle against elite passing attacks as Matthew Stafford and Cooper Kupp completely cut them up.

Are the Cardinals still frisky? Probably. But that’s about it. Wins are going to be a commodity from here on out.  

28 – Bears (1-5)

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse for the Bears, Justin Fields completely messes up his throwing hand. Now the reins are being handed to… Tyson Bagent?

Just forfeit the season. 

29 – Broncos (1-5)

All we can do is point and laugh. My stomach hurts from laughing so much.

30 – Patriots (1-5)

Hey, at least it was close this time! And you can’t really blame Mac Jones for this one! All he did was throw an interception deep in opposing territory and take the game-losing sack in the endzone for a safety. See? Not his fault.

31 – Giants (1-5)

I considered bumping the Giants up this week (see: No. 8), but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Still, this team deserved to emerge victorious on Sunday night.

But, that doesn’t change the fact that they are still absolutely terrible. They only have themselves to blame for this loss. Brian Daboll needs to own up to his mistakes and stop projecting them onto his players. That’s just weird.

32 – Panthers (0-6)

*insert thumbs down emoji here*

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All stats taken from ESPN.

Cover photo taken from Bleeding Green Nation.

1 – 49ers (5-0)

I told you so. 

The 49ers have established themselves as the best team in the NFL by a country mile, and it’s now very easy for everyone to see why. They have football’s equivalent of a superteam, they haven’t lost a regular season game in nearly a year, they still haven’t lost a game that Brock Purdy has started and finished, they have scored 30-plus in each game this year while giving up the least points per game in the league… the list goes on and on and on. 

You just can’t stop these guys. You can only pray to slow them down. 

2 – Eagles (5-0) 2

I have seen enough from the Eagles to feel comfortable putting them above the Chiefs for the time being. This team clearly hasn’t lost a beat from last season, being completely dominant through five regular season games. 

While I’m still not crazy about their secondary — which is the eighth-worst in the league — their run defense is incredible, leading the NFL in rushing yards allowed per game. Jalen Carter is an absolute menace on the inside, and the front is deep and talented enough to stifle teams all game long. The offense is only getting scarier as A.J. Brown continues to dominate and D’Andre Swift keeps getting better at providing a complement in the run game to Jalen Hurts. 

The Birds and the Niners are simply on a collision course with one another that will come to a head on December 3rd in Philly, and probably in late January as well. We might as well just fast forward to that now. 

3 – Chiefs (4-1)

There’s really not much I can say about the Chiefs at this point. If nothing else, they’ve been quite consistent through five games. Patrick Mahomes is amazing, the receivers are still figuring it out, something is really holding Travis Kelce back, and the defense has been pretty good. That’s all there is to it.

Kelce’s new ankle injury is something to monitor moving forward, but the dude is a warrior. He should be good to go. I don’t really think Kansas City needs him in the next few weeks, though. The schedule is only getting easier. 

4 – Dolphins (4-1) 1

Sunday’s win was a return to form for the Dolphins, but I don’t think we necessarily learned anything. We just saw Miami blow out a terrible team despite some pretty poor mistakes from Tua Tagovailoa. I don’t think that’s a cause for concern — Tua usually bounces back, and I think this offense is simply too good for that to become a trend.

However, I think the injury to De’Von Achane could be tough to overcome. Raheem Mostert is obviously a great option for an RB1, but Achane provided a level of speed and athleticism that really opened things up for the rest of the offense, including Mostert. I’m very interested to see what this offense looks like without him. 

5 – Lions (4-1) 4

I really didn’t want to take too much out of a blowout of the worst team in the NFL, but man the Lions look better and better every week. Without Amon-Ra St. Brown and Jahmyr Gibbs, they put up arguably their best offensive effort of the season. Is that not a horrifying truth?

What continues to impress me with Detroit is their defense, which now gives up the sixth-least yards per game in the league. Like I said, they’re only getting better. Now, the NFC North is clearly theirs to lose, and I can’t wait to see what awaits them once the calendar flips to January.

6 – Jaguars (3-2) 6

All it took was a trip to London to get the Jaguars season back on track. They’ve played their best two games of the year in England, and I now have my confidence in them restored, especially after how badly they beat the Bills on Sunday morning. They completely dominated in the trenches, allowing Travis Etienne to dominate, Trevor Lawrence continued his accurate and efficient ways, and the defense locked up a Bills offense that just looked like world beaters against Miami.

Maybe Buffalo’s collapse was more of an emotional crash after that win, but I’m choosing to give a ton of credit to Jacksonville, who can hopefully keep this level of play up now that they’re coming back home. 

7 – Bills (3-2) 5

The first month of the season is over, which means it’s time for the Bills to come back to earth. I don’t know why we’re all not used to this by now. It has become far too predictable.

The box score would have you believe that Josh Allen and the offense was just fine on Sunday, but I don’t really think that was the case. They were stymied almost all game long by the Jags defense, and some garbage time fireworks made the performance look respectable. Despite the struggles, I’d have to believe the offense is good enough to be just fine.

However, I think Buffalo is in a ton of trouble with all of their injuries on the defensive side of the ball. With Tre White and Matt Milano now out for the year after devastating leg injuries, I think it’s a real possibility that the defense really starts to struggle, especially as the schedule ramps up down the stretch. The good news is that they have cupcake after cupcake for the next month or so to figure out those issues. But it’s certainly something to monitor.

8 – Seahawks (3-1)

The Seahawks were one of the first teams with a bye this season ahead of a fascinating matchup against the Bengals, who have seemed to find their stride. I’m very intrigued by how that’s going to play out, but I’ll save that for Thursday. 

9 – Ravens (3-2) 2

The Ravens may have collapsed in rather embarrassing fashion on Sunday, but I honestly don’t think they deserved to lose. Lamar Jackson was sold time and time again by his receivers in a performance that was reminiscent of the Chiefs in Week 1. Like I said then, if those receivers made just a fraction of the catches they should have, Baltimore probably wins the game.

Still, that’s a cause for concern. This receiving core is nothing close to what it was hyped up to be, and if they keep selling Lamar, we could see more games like Sunday’s. But I’d have to think it won’t look that bad again, and the defense is more than good enough to stay afloat. 

10 – Cowboys (3-2) 4

In any other week, the Cowboys are clearly the Team of Shame. Luckily for them, their rivals one-upped them a few days prior. That being said, I will still take this time to take a victory lap and laugh at the Cowboys.

I warned everyone that we might have been looking at fool’s gold with Dallas, who looked dominant against dreadful teams like the Giants, Jets, and Patriots. I always said the 49ers would be the litmus test, and that I never believed they’d be up for it. Lo and behold: a complete and utter dismantling at the hands of an actually elite team that serves as the hump that the Cowboys simply can never get over. And that was the worst loss to them that I’ve ever seen. Dak Prescott played what might’ve been the worst game of his life, the offense couldn’t move the ball, and the supposedly otherworldly defense was sliced and diced by Brock Purdy and company. It was an embarrassment of the highest order — one that we should come to expect from a team as unserious as this one.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don’t let your star pass-rusher have a solo podcast where he talks about his team’s claim to a Super Bowl after one great game against Daniel freakin’ Jones. 

11 – Chargers (2-2) 1

I’d argue that the Chargers won the bye week as they should finally be getting Austin Ekeler back ahead of a huge Monday nighter against the Cowboys.

And I mean that this time. He’s the one who said it, not me. 

12 – Rams (2-3) 1

Despite a tough loss on Sunday, I still feel good about the Rams. The defense continues to be so-so, but the re-addition of Cooper Kupp to the lineup has made this passing offense really, really scary, just as I predicted it would. Him and Puka Nacua are going to be very difficult to stop moving forward, and that alone gives me confidence.

I still don’t think this team is anything crazy — they’re an above average to middle-of-the-pack squad that will be in a lot of fun, tight games. But I think their offensive talent puts them at the top of that proverbial tier of teams. 

13 – Buccaneers (3-1) 1

The Buccaneers had the week off ahead of a very fun matchup with the Lions in which they will be rocking the Creamsicles. That alone makes it my most anticipated game of the week. 

14 – Falcons (3-2) 5

Are the Falcons back? Is Desmond Ridder actually a real quarterback? Is the race for the NFC South title back on? Maybe. Maybe not. But I was pretty impressed with Atlanta’s resolve down the stretch on Sunday against Houston. I never would have expected Ridder to lead a game-winning drive, especially after C.J. Stroud decimated the Falcons defense to take a late lead. But he did, and maybe that’s the type of drive to turn things around him. Only time will tell on that front.

Regardless, this defense is still solid, Bijan Robinson is still awesome, and we’re starting to see some contributions poured in from guys like Drake London and Kyle Pitts, which is a huge positive moving forward. 

15 – Packers (2-3) 2

Did I victory lap my Packers/Jordan Love takes too soon? I sure as hell hope not. But Monday night’s disaster in the desert certainly made it seem that way.

Love was absolutely abhorrent from start to finish, throwing three terrible interceptions without even tossing a touchdown — something that Aaron Rodgers neverdid in over 220 starts in green and yellow. That’s not a great sign. The good news is that Green Bay’s defense was fine and did a great job of limiting Davante Adams from hurting them in his revenge game. Love and the offense simply let them down and were the sole reason the Packers lost that game.

One or two more of those performances, and I might have to eat a lot of crow. 

16 – Saints (3-2) 5

I’m not going to make too much of a blowout of arguably the worst team in football, but the Saints were mighty impressive on Sunday in a game I inexplicably picked them to lose.

The defense is ridiculously good, Alvin Kamara continues to elevate the offense, which isn’t great, but is slowly getting better. If they can turn into a great unit to complement the elite defense, then New Orleans has a real shot of winning this division, which Vegas thinks is theirs to lose.

I disagree with the books, but I’m also the guy who said Mac Jones was going to beat this team. So what do I know?

17 – Bengals (2-3) 5

I’m not going to overreact, I’m not going to overreact, I’m not going to overreact… but it’s damn hard not to.

What do you want me to say? Seeing Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase get back to their old ways was more than enough to restore my faith in the Bengals. But it’s not necessarily the stats they put up — it’s more of how it happened. Burrow was more mobile on Sunday than he was in the previous four weeks combined, and Chase lined up all over the place and ran circles around Arizona’s defense with a diverse route tree no matter where he was. That’s exactly the type of shot in the arm that this offense has needed for a month now. Combine that with another good defensive performance, and there’s plenty to like about where Cincinnati is headed.

But I need to see this more consistently to bump them higher and higher. I am erring on the side of caution… for now. 

18 – Texans (2-3)

There’s not much I can say about the Texans this week. I really hoped they emerged victorious in Atlanta, but I still saw plenty to like and not much to dislike. C.J. Stroud wasn’t as flashy or explosive as he had been in recent weeks, but that has a lot more to do with the great, sticky man coverage of the Falcons. Despite that, he still played a clean game and led what should have been the game-winning drive, which culminated in a gorgeous touchdown throw to Dalton Schultz.

There are some pretty good secondaries left on the schedule, so we’ll see what Houston can muster up moving forward. Until I see Stroud and the offense put up a truly poor performance, I don’t see any reason to bump this team down.  

19 – Steelers (3-2) 1

Against all odds, the Steelers won a football game in large part thanks to one single great offensive play. Kenny Pickett’s gorgeous deep ball to George Pickens to take the lead was truly something to behold, as was most of the rest of the game for Pittsburgh, mostly defensively. They got away with a lot due to the incompetence of the Ravens’ pass-catchers, but they still made huge plays when it mattered most, including an endzone interception for rookie corner Joey Porter Jr. and a game-sealing strip sack of Lamar Jackson.

That’s exactly what the Steelers are: they’re good enough to win games if they make one or two plays on offense and let their defense do the rest. That’s what won them games against Cleveland, Las Vegas, and now Baltimore. But, when that doesn’t happen, which we saw against San Francisco and Houston, then it looks disastrous. 

20 – Browns (2-2) 4

I feel bad for bumping the Browns down so much during their bye week, but that’s just how the chips fell. It doesn’t help that they’re being really weird about this whole Deshaun Watson shoulder injury. They better hope and pray that they don’t have to trot Dorian Thompson-Robinson back out there when the 49ers roll into town. That would be quite ugly.

21 – Colts (3-2) 4

The Colts are truly fascinating. In each of their three wins, Anthony Richardson has either exited early or not played at all due to injury. Winning football games with a backup quarterback is usually the sign of a pretty good team, or at the very least a pretty good culture.

We’ll see how long they can keep that up as Richardson heads to the injured reserve with a shoulder injury and Gardner Minshew handles the reins for the next month or so. But with a constantly improving offense featuring a suddenly dynamic one-two punch at running back with Jonathan Taylor’s return and Zack Moss’ random dominance and a solid group of pass-catchers, I think Indy will stay afloat. 

22 – Titans (2-3) 7

The roller coaster continues! Whee!

As I’ve said repeatedly in the past several weeks, this is getting really annoying. But, at the very least, the predictability of the Titans makes them much, much easier to assess. I’ll see you all next week when they get bumped back up seven spots!

23 – Commanders (2-3) 6

Thursday night’s debacle easily ranks as one of the ten worst losses I have witnessed in two decades as a fan of this team. I’ve exhausted myself in rants and emotional distress in the week that has followed, so once again, I will keep this nice and simple:

When you are coming off back-to-back tough losses — including a 37-3 embarrassment at home — and have given up over 30 points in all but one game this season, then implore your fans to come out in droves for your lone primetime game of the year — which turns into a sellout — against the worst team in the NFL who hasn’t won a game in nearly a full calendar year and is going through more dysfunction than any other team in professional sports — including a 38-point loss and a blown 21-point second half lead on top of a defensive coordinator fire after an FBI raid, just to name a few incidents — just to get absolutely embarrassed by giving up 40 points and an all-time performance to a single wide receiver thanks to the large incompetence of not just the defense as a whole — which is being led by a man who has no remote idea what on earth he is doing — but the wiry-thin and small corner that you deliberately drafted in the first round over several other actually capable prospects, en route to a 20-point, season-derailing loss in which the clearly incapable, ineffective and honestly straight up dreadful head coach doesn’t talk to the team at halftime or at any point during the game, you quite simply become the easiest Team of Shame of all time. In fact, you should arguably bear that burden for the rest of the season for such a disastrous, shameful humiliation. 

…and exhale.  

24 – Jets (2-3) 3

I’m not entirely sure what to make out of the Jets after one of the wackiest, funniest games I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing. But some things are clearly apparent here.

Breece Hall is amazing, Dalvin Cook is dreadful, the offensive line is going to continue to get worse, Zach Wilson clearly has some juice but is probably going to lose you more games than he wins you, and the defense might have some rough patches, but they’re still fantastic overall.

I’d say that, when you stir all of those in one pot, you have a five-to-seven-win team. 

25 – Raiders (2-3) 3

You know what Monday night’s win was? It was the Raiders’ patented win early in the season where we think to ourselves: “Is this team actually legit?” The answer is obviously no. That win almost always comes against a team who actually turns out to be not so great.

As I’ve said all year long, I like a lot of pieces with this team, but the Raiders as a whole are absolutely nothing to write home about. They got handed Monday’s win on a silver platter — something that likely won’t happen to them or the remainder of this season.

If you choose to somehow be moved by this team, then you do you. But they can’t fool me. I am familiar with their game. 

26 – Vikings (1-4) 3

Regression to the mean. 11-0 in one-score games in 2022. 1-4 in such games in 2023. 

We’re reaching a point where that’s probably the only thing I need to say about the Vikings on a weekly basis. I have a feeling that I won’t have to in the weeks that follow considering that Justin Jefferson is headed to the injured reserve with a non-contact hamstring injury suffered on Sunday thanks to US Bank Stadium’s turf. Thanks for that, NFL! I really didn’t want to watch the most exciting young receiver of the decade every Sunday!

Jefferson’s absence means that Minnesota is staring down the barrel of a string of tough losses. It might be time to blow it all up.  

27 – Cardinals (1-4) 3

The 2023 Arizona Cardinals in one word? Frisky.

But that’s about it. The Cards are showing that they’re simply a team that’s going to fight, but still lose at the end of the day. With James Conner headed to the injured reserve, they might just turn into a team that straight up loses games without even putting up a fight. It’s going to start getting a lot tougher in the desert for Jonathan Gannon’s bus-riders. 

28 – Bears (1-4) 4

I don’t want to talk about it.

I’ll just say this: good on the Bears for finally getting in the win column, and good for Justin Fields and D.J. Moore to do all that. It was about damn time. I just wish they chose a different game. Literally any other game. 

29 – Broncos (1-4)

As horrible as my team’s situation is, I relish in the fact that it’s not nearly as bad as the Broncos’. I truly cannot fathom completing one of the worst trades in recent memory, then giving up a first round pick for a head coach who said that the previous skipper pulled off one of the worst jobs in history only for that man to return to town and beat him down. That is so embarrassing that it’s hilarious.

Like, extremely hilarious. 

30 – Patriots (1-4) 4

The Patriots are by far the worst team in the AFC, and there’s really only one thing you need to know to back that up: this team has been outscored 72-3 in the last two games. After Bill Belichick suffered the worst loss of his career in Dallas, he came back to Foxboro and suffered his worst home loss as the head man in New England. 

I definitely don’t think it’s his fault. What the hell is any team supposed to do when Mac Jones is its quarterback and its defense is as banged up as it is? There’s simply nothing that the Pats can do at this point except tank. The only thing they have to look forward to is next year. 

31 – Giants (1-4)

It has gone from bad to worse to a lot worse to unsalvageable for the Giants.

A predictable blowout loss to the Dolphins is fine, but what’s not fine is this offensive line’s continued incompetence and injuries continuing to stack up across the board. They just have no healthy players, and the ones that are healthy or at least close to healthy are horrible. There’s a real chance that the Giants have to field their B-team in Buffalo on Sunday night.

At this point, I don’t know if their B-team can beat Bishop Sycamore. 

32 – Panthers (0-5) 2

Now the NFL’s lone winless team, the Panthers have unfortunately been relegated to the bottom of the Power Rankings, giving us our second team in the basement thus far in 2023. And it’s honestly just sad to see. Injuries and extremely poor play across the board has simply doomed this team. And they don’t even have their first round pick or their former stud WR1 to compensate for that.

This calendar year has simply been a comedy of errors for Carolina, and that doesn’t figure to stop any time soon. 

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All stats taken from ESPN.

Cover photo taken from The Boston Globe.

1 – 49ers (4-0) 1

There’s nothing I can say about the Niners that I haven’t been saying for a month now.

This is the most complete, most dominant team in the NFL and it’s not remotely close. They’re just leagues above everyone else right now. The offense is unstoppable with 30+ points scored in each game, and the defense continues to be one of the best in the league.

As it currently stands, they’re just going to mow down their opponents all year long. It’s hard to see them slowing down any time soon. 

2 – Bills (3-1) 4

I may have picked the Bills to win on Sunday, but I never imagined it’d look like that. That might have been the best game of the Josh Allen era and was probably Allen’s finest performance to date.

The star QB let the world know the AFC East is still his division with a 21-of-25, 320 yard, 4 touchdown, perfect passer rating outing with a rushing score to boot. Buffalo dominated the NFL’s hottest team on both sides of the ball with an inspired performance that had me considering putting them atop the Power Rankings.

I’m not going to do that just yet, but I’m officially sold on this team moving forward. They have proven themselves as the current class of the AFC, although we should all be wary of the Chiefs, who always end up proving that title belongs to them.

3 – Chiefs (3-1)

I don’t have much to say about Kansas City’s relative dud on Sunday night other than the fact that I’ve never seen Patrick Mahomes make some of the very strange mistakes he did throwing the ball. He lofted several interceptions right to defenders, which he never even comes close to doing 99 percent of the time. He was outplayed by Zach Wilson for crying out loud.

It was extremely strange, but I don’t think we’re going to see something like that again anytime soon. It was likely a product of the Jets playing great, sticky defense. But it should be monitored as a potential cause for concern moving forward. 

4 – Eagles (4-0)

I don’t really want to talk about this team, but I’m not going to be petty.

The Eagles continue to prove how great they can be offensively, with an ability to hurt you in a million different ways. On Sunday, it was the AJ Brown show for the first time this year as the star receiver went absolutely nuclear, torching rookie corner Emmanuel Forbes Jr. in a “welcome to the f—— show” type of performance. Jalen Hurts did his thing, D’Andre Swift continued to flash out of the backfield, and the offensive line dominated in every aspect against a very good Commanders front.

I still have plenty of problems with this Philly defense, especially in the secondary, but it hasn’t lost them a game yet. It’s only a matter of time before it does. 

5 – Dolphins (3-1) 4

Again, I did not think the Dolphins would win on Sunday. But I didn’t expect their trip back to Earth to be a crash landing.

Despite some highlights and good numbers, Miami was throrougly dominated in every aspect on a very humbling day upstate. You could make the argument that perhaps the team needed this reality check after being in la la land for the last several weeks, but there’s never an excuse for a team that talented to get thumped the way they did. They went from being the talk of the league to the third best team in their conference and second best in their division.

They’ll be fine, and they’ll get back to their flashy ways immediately considering they play the Giants next week. But their stay at the top is over, and it was far more brief than they would have liked. 

6 – Cowboys (3-1) 1

The Cowboys did exactly what they were supposed to do on Sunday: they thoroughly dominated a lifeless, anemic Patriots at home. I’ll give them credit — it’s hard to win any NFL game by that margin with that level of a performance, especially defensively. But it’s what I expected from Dallas in that game, so I’m not going to sing too many of their praises.

As I’ve been saying, this week’s primetime matchup in San Francisco will tell us what the Cowboys are made of. 

7 – Ravens (3-1) 2

Lamar Jackson is a bad man. That’s really all that needs to be said.

The star quarterback was simply sensational on Sunday with four total touchdowns — a pair on the ground and through the air. The Ravens offense was nearly infallible and the defense was even better, limiting the Browns to just 3 points at home.

I have to take it with a grain of salt considering Cleveland was starting backup quarterback Dorian Thompson-Robinson, who clearly was not ready for an NFL game. But I don’t want to take anything away from Baltimore, who put together what might have been the most dominant performance of the week to establish themselves as the powerhouse of the AFC North.  

8 – Seahawks (3-1) 1

Seattle might have put together the best defensive performance I’ve ever seen on Monday night with 11 sacks, two turnovers — including a 97-yard pick six — and a fumble recovery. Regardless of how bad the opposing offense was, those are otherworldly numbers.

The Seahawks offense was thoroughly underwhelming, but that doesn’t matter at this point. The defense has been the question mark for much of the season, and they just put together the type of game that will fuel them for weeks. First round selection Devon Witherspoon has officially made his mark, and dudes are hooping all over the field.

The offense still has a bit to figure out, especially what they’re doing (or not doing) with Jaxon Smith-Njigba, but I feel as confident as ever in the Seahawks. This team is flat out dangerous. 

9 – Lions (3-1) 1

I owe the Lions a bit of an apology. I have continued to undermine them, and they have continued to prove me wrong. Consider me fully sold on this team now.

This is as complete of a team as there is in the NFL, and they are completely dominant in the trenches. They play physical defense and they completely beat you up on offense. They can hurt you in a plethora of ways, and now they get their vertical threat back in Jameson Williams.

The Lions are only getting better, and the NFC North is now theirs to lose. I think they can only go up from here. 

10 – Chargers (2-2) 4

I think the Chargers are physically incapable of playing a normal football game. Even when it looks like they’re completely dominating a vastly inferior opponent who is starting a rookie quarterback who looks completely overwhelmed by the moment, they find ways to completely mess it up and nearly lose. On Sunday, it was a flurry of untimely turnovers and extremely strange mismanagement of Justin Herbert after he fractured his damn finger. But, some key takeaways of their own, a whopping six Khalil Mack sacks, and common Herbert late-game heroics got LA to .500 on the year and trending upwards.

I still don’t really know what to make of this team right now, but I know that as long as #10 is slinging the rock around the yard, they should be in every game they play.

11 – Rams (2-2) 7

The Rams continue to impress me in a multitude of ways. This week, it was getting off to a torrid start and shoring up when the going got tough to come away with a clutch, hard-fought overtime win on the road, which is never easy in this league. Puka Nacua was obviously the star of the show once again, who continues to play like not just one of the best rookies, but best receivers in the league with his nose for the football and playmaking ability. This offense might look very spooky once Cooper Kupp returns, which might just be this week (at least this is his first eligible week to return from IR).

I obviously would’ve liked to see LA close the game out in regulation, but on all other fronts, I was very pleased with their performance. It’s time for me to start putting some respect on them. 

12 – Jaguars (2-2) 1

The Jags got back on track in Andy’s Room with a nice win, but it still wasn’t exactly what I had been hoping to see out of them. The defense balled out, but they were practically spoon-fed turnovers by Desmond Ridder. The offense was fine thanks to the efficiency of Trevor Lawrence, but the running game remains invisible. That’s a concern.

Jacksonville simply still is yet to put together a complete performance this year. I need to see one out of them if they want to be considered with the elites of the league. 

13 – Packers (2-2) 3

The Packers played a pretty terrible half of football before staging a mini-comeback and then going flat again to close things out on Thursday night. As a guy who has been singing this team’s praises since the summer, that was a pretty bad look for me.

The offense was completely invisible in the first half as Jordan Love repeatedly handed the ball to the Lions and the running game was nonexistent. Love had a better second half, but it was far too little too late. There’s only so much you can do when you bury yourself in a 20-point hole so early in the game. I’m more concerned with Green Bay’s defense, which straight up looked slow, like it didn’t even want to be there. It’s a talented unit that should never play a game that poor, and could definitely be a cause for concern. 

14 – Buccaneers (3-1) 7

It’s still very early, but it might be time for me to start eating crow with Baker and the Bucs. I had no hopes for them this year. I discredited their first two wins because of how poor the opposition was. But for them to go into New Orleans and beat the Saints while snapping their streak of not allowing 20 points all while Tampa’s own defense completely dominated? That’s something to be impressed with.

Baker once again cooked with his first three touchdown performance since the 2020 Wild Card in Pittsburgh, making light work of the best secondary he has faced this year by a huge margin. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to believe this is sustainable. And with the defense playing like it is, combined with how horrible the rest of this division is, who knows how far that can take Tampa in 2023? 

15 – Titans (2-2) 7

Can the Titans please be consistent? This is getting exhausting.

This week, it was back to the top of the roller coaster as the defense completely decimated a lifeless Bengals team while Derrick Henry made minced meat of a stout Cincy defense to the tune of a completely dominant victory. It was essentially the exact opposite of Tennessee’s last game.

It’s so hard to get a read on this team at this point. Are they the anemic, boring team we saw in Weeks 1 and 3 or the inspired bunch we saw in Weeks 2 and 4? I have no earthly idea. 

16 – Browns (2-2)

I’m essentially striking this Browns performance from the record. They got one of the absolute worst performances I’ve ever seen out of a backup quarterback in Dorian Thompson-Robinson, who was clearly not ready to play. The moment was simply too big for him. Yes, the defense struggled as well, but there was only so much they could do when the offense was as bad as it was. Cleveland gets a very big pass this week. 

17 – Commanders (2-2)

I’m tired. I’m really, really tired. Exhausted, if you will. There’s so many things I want to say about Sunday’s loss in Philadelphia, but I’m still just too emotionally and mentally drained to do it. So I’ll try to keep this brief.

For starters, I was thoroughly impressed with Sam Howell from start to finish. For him to bounce back from his awful performance against Buffalo with probably his best game as a pro, including an insanely clutch drive to tie the game at the buzzer in regulation, tells me all I need to know about him. The kid is simply a gamer. He has more heart than any Washington quarterback since Kirk Cousins combined. And I know he has the skills to do great things if we just stay patient. Him and Terry McLaurin were truly robbed in overtime, but that’s neither here nor there. I’m not going to sit here and complain about refereeing. I’m above that.

We beat ourselves on Sunday. We’re the ones who didn’t get key third down stops. We’re the ones who didn’t make any adjustments on A.J. Brown as he was torching Emmanuel Forbes Jr. all game long. We’re the ones who picked a great time to stop being able to defend the run. We’re the ones who gave up 30 points for the third game in a row. It wasn’t a missed false start or a bad call on a catch being out of bounds. It was us. It’s always us.  

18 – Texans (2-2) 8

C.J. Stroud is him. Need I say more?

The rookie quarterback has absolutely electrified this franchise, along with the rest of the NFL, continuing to set records while lighting up the scoreboard with his dominant, efficient, and clean play. Over 1200 yards with six touchdowns and no interceptions in four games is remarkable. He continues to throw the ball with pinpoint accuracy and anticipation beyond his years. There are a lot of people involved with this rebuild in Houston, but Stroud is single-handedly reviving this franchise.

But I thought they couldn’t develop quarterbacks at Ohio State?

19 – Falcons (2-2) 7

It’s good to know that I have been completely vindicated on my take that Desmond Ridder is the worst starting quarterback in the NFL. At this point, it might not be particularly close. Zach Wilson and Daniel Jones give him a run for his money, but at least those two have flashed in 2023. Ridder has shown nothing of remote value, and the sooner Atlanta moves on from him, the sooner they can get back to winning football games.

I understand that they’re essentially stuck for the year, so it might be time to shift the focus to next year. Because that nice start to the season means nothing when that pumpkin is back there “throwing” the ball and spoon-feeding turnovers to the opposing defense. 

20 – Steelers (2-2) 5

Like the Dolphins, I predicted the Steelers to lose on Sunday, but I never could have seen it being as embarrassing as it was. That’s probably the only comparison I’ll ever make between Miami and Pittsburgh this season.

The Steelers are simply going nowhere, and it’s for the exact same reasons that I have been saying all season long. The offense is horrible and inexcusably elementary thanks to the ineptitude of Matt Canada, whose job security is mind-numbingly still not in question. The secondary is comprised of a bunch of guys who have no idea what they’re doing. Kenny Pickett is straight up not good, even with the scheme weighing him down, and now he has to deal with a knee problem for the foreseeable future. Even if he doesn’t miss any playing time, the injury is still going to affect him, making this atrocious offense somehow even worse.

Buckle up, Steelers fans. If you thought Sunday was bad, it’s about to get a lot worse. 

21 – Saints (2-2) 2

I can’t fathom for the life of me why Derek Carr decided to rush back from an apparently serious shoulder injury to sabotage his own team and lead them right into the dirt with their worst offensive performance of the year to lose a key divisional home game. It makes no damn sense, and it honestly makes me more angry than anything else.

I just hate this idea that quarterbacks should tough it out and play through clearly serious injuries that obviously limit them and make them largely ineffective, and we’re seeing exactly how stupid it is with performances like this one from Carr and the last four from Joe Burrow. It’s just dumb. 

22 – Bengals (1-3) 11

The Bengals are quite easily this week’s Team of Shame, and they might be the saddest one yet. The season is absolutely cooked in Cincinnati, and they have no one to blame for themselves. They have completely mishandled Joe Burrow’s injury (shocking, I know) and now the entire team is unraveling. It’s such a shame for a team that had real championship aspirations and chances just a month ago. 

23 – Vikings (1-3)

In the most Vikings and least convincing way possible, Minnesota is finally off the schneid in 2023.

Other than finally having a 1 in the win column, there’s not much to feel great about here, especially considering the offense had its worst performance of the year by a huge margin. The defense had a nice outing, but it was against what might just be the NFL’s worst offense, so we should take it with a very big grain of salt. I just don’t think this is a very good team.

There’s a lot to like offensively, but that’s it. And if they put together more offensive performances like that, then there will be nothing positive at all in Minnesota. 

24 – Cardinals (1-3)

There’s not much I can say about the Cardinals this week. They held their own against the best team in football and were just as competitive as I expected them to be. They continue to be a very stingy group, and I continue to like what I see out of them.

More than anything, Josh Dobbs keeps on looking great. Against all odds, he has the 10th best passer rating in football. That’s awesome to see.

25 – Colts (2-2)

I’ve said all season long that the main goal for the Colts this season should be developing Anthony Richardson and seeing what he’s made of. Through essentially two games, I can say that Richardson is the real deal, and if he can continue to hone his skills, he can be one of the best quarterbacks in this league. His talent jumps off the screen, and his leadership abilities clearly have a massive impact on this team, as Indy nearly pulled off an all-time comeback on Sunday against the Rams before falling short in overtime.

But I don’t really care about wins and losses for this team. In fact, losses feel like wins. All that matters is that AR15 is looking like a franchise guy, already proving me very, very wrong. 

26 – Patriots (1-3) 6

I wanted to make the Patriots this week’s Team of Shame, but the more I thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense to me. Because I already knew that this team was absolutely dreadful.

Sunday’s embarrassment against the Cowboys was just further proof of everything I already knew. New England is an abhorrent football team with a starting quarterback that doesn’t belong in the NFL and an offense with no playmakers whatsoever. The only good thing about this team was its defense, which just lost its best player by far in Matthew Judon and its rising star in rookie corner Christian Gonzalez.

It’s just all falling apart for Bill Belichick and company. This feels like the right time to stick a fork in them. 

27 – Jets (1-3) 3

There are no moral victories. But everyone felt good about what they saw out of Zach Wilson on Sunday night. He chose a hell of a time to play the best game of his career, and it was nice to see both his team and everyone else rally around him. Maybe, just maybe, he can figure this out. I severely doubt it, but it would be nice to see.

Oh, and stop complaining about the refs. It makes you look foolish. 

28 – Raiders (1-3) 1

I don’t want to be too rude to the Raiders considering they nearly fell ass backwards into a road win against a divisional opponent despite starting a quarterback who looked like he didn’t belong on an NFL field.

At the same time, there’s not much I can say about them this week for that very reason. It’s difficult to assess them after such a nothing performance. It just confirmed much of what we already knew about this team: the offensive line is atrocious, the running game is nonexistent, and the defense is pretty bad too. But at least Davante Adams is here… for now.

29 – Broncos (1-3) 2

They finally did it. The Sean Payton-Russell Wilson Broncos won a football game. It took a 21-point second half comeback against the worst team in football, but it happened. And it was honestly a pretty impressive comeback.

Enjoy it, Denver. That’s probably going to be the peak of your season. 

30 – Panthers (0-4) 1

I don’t think we’re paying enough attention to how disastrous the Panthers have been to start the season.

Frank Reich’s offense has been miserable and Bryce Young has been terrible — although any rookie quarterback behind that bad of an offensive line in a unit completely devoid of playmakers is going to look that bad. Yes, the defense is solid, and they made huge plays on Sunday. But it doesn’t matter when the offense is that dreadful.

This is a team that is squarely in the race for the No. 1 pick in the draft, but it doesn’t matter because they gave away their pick for a quarterback who looks awful right now. Bryce will be fine, but you just get the feeling that Carolina is going to be in the dumps for a while. 

31 – Giants (1-3) 3

It’s embarrassing. It’s shameful. And it’s hilarious.

I can’t get enough of how absolutely dreadful the Giants are. For them and their fans to have victory lapped after an overachieving season and an inexplicable $160 million extension for Daniel Jones just for the season to crash and burn with three primetime embarrassments is just too funny.

I’m going to continue to cherish these moments for as long as I can. 

32 – Bears (0-4)

Making the Bears the Team of Shame every week would just be too easy. It’s low-hanging fruit. And they certainly deserved it this week. But again, I won’t do it.

I’ll just say that this is getting really sad on all fronts. Matt Eberflus needs to be fired yesterday, and this trainwreck of a team needs to start the hell over.

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All stats taken from ESPN.

Cover photo taken from San Diego Union-Tribune.

1 – 49ers (2-0)

I don’t know how you’re supposed to stop this team. The Rams put together a masterful offensive gameplan and still essentially lost by multiple scores. Even with a lackluster Brock Purdy performance, the offense continues to hum their way to 30-point outings. Christian McCaffrey has scored in 11 straight games. Deebo Samuel is getting back involved in the run game.

Until I see them even remotely slow down, the 49ers are going to live in this #1 spot. Considering their upcoming schedule, they should get nice and cozy.

2 – Cowboys (2-0)

Once again, I seriously considered putting the Cowboys at the top of this list. Their defense is just so incredible, and Micah Parsons is on an unstoppable tear. The offense is thriving in every facet, which is something I wasn’t expecting against the caliber of defenses they’ve played. The Giants aren’t great, but to cut up the Jets the way they did was eye-opening.

History leads me to believe that the wheels are bound to come off, but this might just be the Cowboys. team to flip the script.

3 – Chiefs (1-1)

In the least shocking development ever, the Chiefs are totally fine! That tends to happen when you get Travis Kelce and Chris Jones back. They both made their usual impacts in their season debuts, just as I predicted.

Oh, and Kansas City’s next six games are against teams with a combined 1-11 record. Hope you didn’t make the mistake of writing these guys off.

4 – Eagles (2-0)

While Philly continues to dazzle offensively — despite some strange playcalling — and dominate up front, their secondary is a real concern. If it wasn’t for a flurry of turnovers — including some lucky ones — there’s a real chance that they could have lost to the Vikings on Thursday. I suppose you could make the argument that they’ve given up a ton of garbage time yards in the last two games, which is fair.

We’ll see how the pass defense looks when the going gets tough.

5 – Dolphins (2-0)

At this point, 5 feels too low for the Dolphins. They have arguably been the most impressive team in the league through two games.

Their defense still concerns me a bit, but they played much better than I expected them to on Sunday night. Again, it might not even matter when their offense is as insane as it is. Mike McDaniel’s schemes combined with the execution of Tua Tagovailoa has this offense looking like the single best in the league, and I don’t know how anyone is supposed to stop them. I thought the Patriots had a shot, but they weren’t even close. While there are some tough defenses ahead on paper, I’ve seen nothing to make me believe that this offense won’t stop decimating opponents while the team keeps racking up wins.

By all accounts, the AFC East — and maybe even the 1 seed — is theirs to lose. 

6 – Ravens (2-0) 4

I’ll never know how they do it. Year in, year out, the Ravens rack up injuries like no other team and still find ways to win.

I have to give a ton of props to Lamar Jackson, who was infinitely better against the Bengals than he was against the Texans. He looked like his usual self, which involved some incredible throws. Zay Flowers is already proving himself as the WR1 in that offense, and the running game didn’t fall off at all despite the absence of J.K. Dobbins. The defense also continues to look like one of the scariest in the NFL, and although I recognize that they’ve played Houston and a Cincinnati offense with Joe Burrow on one leg, I have no doubts that they’ll continue to play at an elite level.

As the only 2-0 team in a division with three other teams with plenty of questions to answer, Baltimore figures to get out ahead of the pack in the coming weeks. 

7 – Bills (1-1) 6

The Bills are the beneficiary of a lot of teams that were above them last week turning into pumpkins this week. They completely met my expectations as they predictably tore apart a Raiders team that somehow looks worse than I anticipated. But I’ll give credit where credit is due — Josh Allen had one of his patented elite September performances, and the defense looked amazing.

Still, I will always proceed with caution with this team. I’m going to have to actually see it against real teams to believe it. 

8 – Jaguars (1-1) 2

I didn’t want to give the Jaguars the benefit of the doubt, but I’m going to… for now.

They looked absolutely lost on offense, but they were also playing an elite defense that just got its best player back. The defense gave up a ton of yards, but they did force timely turnovers to keep them in the game. There’s just nothing you can do when your star quarterback goes 0-for-7 in the redzone and your offense doesn’t get in the endzone. Week 1 was an indicator of what this offense can be at its peak, Week 2 was proof that maybe they’re not ready for primetime yet.

But they have plenty of time to prove me wrong. 

9 – Seahawks (1-1) 6

The Seahawks seemed to return to form in a wild way on Sunday, excelling offensively and making the necessary defensive plays to come away with a win. It was very reminiscent of what we saw for so much of last season. And when they play like that, they will be very difficult to beat. That combined with the apparent fact that their Week 1 loss doesn’t look as bad as it did in the moment makes me feel comfortable inserting them into the top 10.

As long as they stay healthy, they will continue to rack up wins against a pretty soft upcoming schedule. 

10 – Falcons (2-0) 7

The Falcons in the top 10. Something I never thought I’d do. But they have earned it, and they have really, really impressed me.

Sunday’s comeback win was a truly inspiring one as the defense played incredibly down the stretch and the offense found ways to win. Bijan Robinson is already one of the best running backs in football, and Drake London is really starting to emerge as a true WR1. I still have my reservations about Desmond Ridder, and I have no idea what this team is doing with Kyle Pitts, who has eight targets in two games. But I love Robinson and London, I love their defense, I love their culture, and I think they are getting ready to make some real noise. 

11 – Packers (1-1) 4

The Packers played a very strange game on Sunday. For three quarters, they were absolutely lights out. Jordan Love was tearing it up once again and the offense was churning out yards and points despite not having Aaron Jones or Christian Watson.

Then, all of a sudden, they just stopped. They straight up stopped playing offense. Up 11 in the fourth quarter, they refused to move the chains, and the wheels eventually fell off the defense, which makes sense considering they kept on being put back on the field.

I think it was a strange ending to an otherwise impressive performance, and one that shouldn’t repeat itself any time soon, especially with the two key offensive pieces returning. But it was definitely concerning. 

12 – Lions (1-1) 4

I don’t want to say the Lions got too ahead of themselves, but it appears that might’ve been the case considering how they played on Sunday.

It wasn’t a bad performance by any means, but it was definitely a lackluster considering how they looked in Week 1 and all of last season at home. Jared Goff finally ended his crystal clean play with a backbreaking pick six, Jahmyr Gibbs couldn’t quite get going, and David Montgomery got injured. The defense seemed to return to 2022 form as well as they got carved up by the same team that dropped 48 on them last season.

These are the reasons I told you all to err on the side of caution with the Lions. I need to see them churn out great performances more consistently. So far in 2023, I’m not seeing much of that. 

13 – Commanders (2-0) 7

I don’t even know where to begin.

2-0 for the first time since I was 10 years old. Sam Howell is 3-0 as a starter and just played a game I never thought I’d see out of him. Terry McLaurin is top 10. Both Brian Robinson and Antonio Gibson looked amazing. Eric Bieniemy might just be a godsend. Chase Young is back. The defense — which leads the league in sacks and pressures — was absolutely incredible (other than an abysmal start and a wonky ending, of course).

This team has never given me so much of a reason to be excited. Not for several years, at least. I’m still not going to get my hopes up for the sake of my own sanity and emotional well-being, but I’ll be damned. I’m this close to doing it. 

14 – Buccaneers (2-0) 7

It may have been against two 0-2 teams, but Baker Mayfield and this Bucs offense are cooking. I see a regression in their future, but for now, I’m going to give them props.

Baker has looked excellent through two games, which makes it hard to believe the offseason quarterback “competition” was remotely close. Him and Mike Evans already have an incredible rapport. The offensive line is looking better, and Rachaad White actually had a nice outing.

But again, the defense continues to stand out to me. While the Bears are pretty abysmal, the Vikings are clearly no pushover on offense, which makes that performance even more impressive.

Again, I don’t know how long Tampa can keep this up, and this division might be better than we gave them credit for. But I really like what they have going on right now. 

15 – Titans (1-1) 10

This is a huge jump, but more than anything, it’s an apology. I was far too harsh to this team last week for no reason. This is me making amends.

Their wild comeback to beat the Chargers was a classic Titans win. It wasn’t pretty by any means, but they just found a way to win. I understand things might have gone differently if Austin Ekeler had played for LA, but I’m not going to knock Tennessee because of that. I was impressed with what they did on Sunday, and while I still don’t really believe on them, it’s a good sign that they’re still going to fight tooth and nail week in and week out. That will translate to plenty of wins. 

16 – Chargers (0-2) 7

It’s only Week 3, and the Chargers’ season is already on the line. Thanks to two brutal fourth quarters, this team is 0-2, and now every single game is a must-win for them. It’s a bit hard to put any faith in this team in a must-win scenario. But they could easily be 2-0. With Austin Ekeler back in the lineup, you’d have to think they find a way to win a game.

But that’s not what this franchise does. They find ways to lose games instead. And one more essentially ends their year. 

17 – Bengals (0-2) 6

Speaking of teams who are one loss away from their season being cooked, the Bengals are staring down a very long, treacherous barrel right now. And realistically, they have no one to blame but themselves.

I don’t necessarily think Joe Burrow was rushed back from his calf strain, but he definitely returned a bit too soon, as he has been completely ineffective through two games and is now looking at missing time after re-aggravating it on Sunday. Cincinnati doesn’t exactly have many breaks in their schedule that allows that to be easy. It certainly doesn’t help that the defense isn’t playing nearly as well as expected.

This team is just so disappointing and lackluster on both sides of the ball right now. In the last four seasons, they’re the only team to make the postseason after starting 0-2, which they did last year. With Burrow either active and a shell of himself or not active at all, the Bengals are going to have another steep uphill climb to the playoffs.

18 – Rams (1-1) 4

I still think I’m being pretty mean to the Rams. They’ve surprised me more than any other team through two games.

They’ve been very good offensively thanks to the incredible emergence of Puka Nacua and Kyren Williams, and Matt Stafford continues to make me look foolish. Perhaps the most shocking thing about this team is that their defense is actually solid as well. I think the Rams have what it takes to be a very good, competitive team. I’m not going to rush to call them a top 10 squad like some people in the media are, but they certainly don’t appear to be nearly as bad as I anticipated. Their two performances so far this season give me reason to believe they can float around .500. 

19 – Saints (2-0) 4

I’m being cautiously optimistic with the Saints, but I must say that I like what I’ve seen through two games. They haven’t been the prettiest wins, but they’ve been solid ones.

I still think Derek Carr is simply not a good player, but he doesn’t have to be for this offense to succeed. They just need to go on a few scoring drives here and there while their defense does the rest. That side of the ball has been fantastic so far this year thanks to their ageless wonders up front and their continued elite secondary play led by Marshon Lattimore.

The Saints clearly have their winning formula. It’s just a matter of sticking to it. 

20 – Steelers (1-1) 1

Pittsburgh’s defense, which won them the game on Monday night, needs no introduction. I could talk about T.J. Watt and Alex Highsmith all day, but that’s not how I want to spend this time.

I instead want to continue to implore the Steelers to fire Matt Canada and figure out what the hell they’re doing on offense. Because I don’t know if I can stomach any more of the nonsense they are putting on the field. Not only is it impossible to watch, but it’s honestly embarrassing. And I’m a lifelong Steelers hater. I can’t imagine what it’s like being a fan of a team with this offense. George Pickens and Jaylen Warren are great players, but Najee Harris looks worse by the week, and the scheme shows us nothing to like with Kenny Pickett. The pieces are clearly there, but this offense is going nowhere fast as it stands. That means the team is likely going nowhere either.

The Steelers are lucky that their defense is as amazing as it is. Teams don’t put up -7 total yards of offense in a fourth quarter and still pull off a comeback victory very often. 

21 – Browns (1-1) 5

Congratulations, Browns! You are the Week 2 Team of Shame! It was going to be the Cardinals, but you swooped in and stole it at the last moment! Hope you enjoy all these years of paying Deshaun Watson hundreds of millions to look like one of the worst starting quarterbacks in the NFL! 

*note: I want to mention that Nick Chubb’s injury was horrible and I feel absolutely terrible for him and the Browns fanbase. Nobody deserves that, least of all a guy as elite and likable as Chubb. I don’t know what a recovery timetable looks like for him, but I’m praying for him and always rooting for him.

22 – Vikings (0-2)

For as long as it continues to apply, I’m going to keep saying it: regression to the mean. 11-0 in one-score games in 2022. 0-2 in such contests in 2023. That’s really all that needs to be said.

The Vikings realistically could have won on Thursday if it wasn’t for a wave of wonky turnovers, but part of that is on them. This is a team that’s going to put up big numbers and feel like they should be far better than they actually are, but that’s not going to translate to a lot of wins. They have to be more focused on not beating themselves than beating the other team. Doesn’t seem like a recipe for success.

One more loss and the season is effectively over in Minnesota. Luckily for them, they have their AFC mirror image coming to town for what should be an absolutely hilarious matchup on Sunday. I can’t wait to see it. 

23 – Patriots (0-2) 5

The Patriots are 2-0 in the moral victories department. Maybe they can replace their dynasty of Super Bowls with one of moral victories.

Maybe if they didn’t get off to such awful starts, they’d be able to rack up some actual wins. But they’ve faced 16 and 14-point deficits to start each game this season. When your offense operates like it does under Mac Jones, you’re not going to win games falling behind like that. I don’t know why it takes this defense so long to adjust, but once they do, they actually play great football. It’s just strange that it takes them so long. It doesn’t help when the offense is as turnover happy as it has been, especially early in games to put themselves in such holes.

These all feel like things that could improve and/or balance themselves out as the season progresses. But as it stands, the Patriots are in trouble. The time to figure this out is running out quickly.

24 – Jets (1-1) 12

The Jets are back to being the Jets. I wasn’t expecting it to happen so early in the year, but here we are.

I’ll keep this brief so I don’t sound like a broken record. Zach Wilson is the worst quarterback in the NFL. Starter, backup, practice squad, it doesn’t matter. He is not an NFL player. I don’t understand this team’s commitment to remaining steadfastly at his side and insisting that he’s “their guy.” He’s no one’s guy. He’s an abhorrent football player. The sooner this team makes a move for a veteran quarterback to right the ship, the better.

But you just get the feeling that’s not going to happen. Who knows, maybe I’ll have to throw the Jets in the Caleb Williams Sweepstakes. Imagine telling that to someone three weeks ago.

25 – Giants (1-1) 4

You are so lucky. So, so lucky.

I was so ready to tear into the Giants this week, but I’ll give credit where credit is due. Pulling off the biggest comeback in franchise history on the road with a nearly flawless half of football is no easy task, even if it was against one of the worst teams in the league. That’s a win that this team needed desperately after starting their season in a 60-0 scoring hole, which grows to 98-7 dating back to last season’s playoffs. Brian Daboll clearly worked some magic at halftime for the Giants to come out firing on all cylinders thanks to Daniel Jones playing the best half of his career.

Still, I don’t remotely buy this team. Saquon Barkley being out for a few weeks with an ankle sprain is going to expose a lot of problems with this offense, even if Jalin Hyatt looked really nice on Sunday. This defense is just terrible, and with San Francisco coming up, it could be another ugly outing on national television for the team that everyone implored me was better than the Commanders. 

26 – Raiders (1-1) 2

The Raiders are who we thought they were. They might actually be worse.

I’m mainly concerned with how unfathomably terrible their run game has been. How do you have the third worst rushing offense in the league with the defending rushing champ in the backfield? It certainly doesn’t help that you have a pumpkin at QB and both of your top two WRs have gotten knocked out of back-to-back games. I wish I could say that I still like this defense, but Sunday was a clear return to form for them.

I think we’re going to see a lot more Raiders performances like that than the one we saw in Denver to open the year. 

27 – Broncos (0-2) 1

The Sean Payton era is off to a rocking start as the Broncos have lost back-to-back games at home with a loss to a bad Raiders team and a blown 18-point lead second-half embarrassment at the hands of the Commanders. Who could have seen this coming?

I guess the sky isn’t completely falling in Denver, considering how well Russell Wilson has been playing, at least on paper. But I can’t make heads or tails of this team. I never can. I mainly can’t wrap my head around this defense, which got absolutely torched on Sunday.

But it doesn’t matter. Like I said last week, these are the same old Broncos. They may be finding new ways to do it, but you can keep on counting on them to lose.

28 – Colts (1-1) 1

The good news is that Anthony Richardson seems to be pretty good at football. The bad news is that Anthony Richardson is hurt.

I hope he doesn’t miss too much time, if any at all, because he has been shockingly fun to watch. The offense didn’t seem to miss a beat in his absence, but they were also playing the Texans, so I’ll take that with a grain of salt.

With or without Richardson, this isn’t a great team, but at the very least, they’re fun. And who doesn’t love a fun bad team?

29 – Panthers (0-2) 1

The Panthers could feasibly be lower on this list. This season is off to the worst possible start for them, and it doesn’t look like it’s getting better any time soon.

The offense is a complete dumpster fire with Bryce Young showing us barely anything to like through two games. The skill position additions are largely nonexistent, either due to a lack of talent or a head-scratching scheme. Yes, the defense offers lots to like, but they have folded at the biggest moments in each game thus far. And they’re not a good enough unit to make up for the offensive shortcomings.

Buckle up, Carolina. It’s going to be a long year. 

30 – Cardinals (0-2)

The Cardinals were going to be this week’s Team of Shame before the Browns stole that mantle at the buzzer. But that doesn’t mean this team is excused from being torn apart.

Blowing a 21-point second half lead is simply inexcusable at any level of football. It’s even worse when you do it to a team as bad as the Giants on your home turf. I was still impressed with their ability to build such a big lead, and I still think this is a competitive team that isn’t as bad as they seem, but it’s losses like that which prove to everyone that you’re not worth taking seriously.

But we all know the truth: Arizona definitely views losses as wins at this point. 

31 – Texans (0-2)

You know, at least C.J. Stroud and Nico Collins lit up the box score. Other than that, I have nothing remotely positive to say about the Texans. They should probably be at the bottom of this list. Regardless, they won’t move from this basement any time soon. 

32 – Bears (0-2)

I’m running out of things to say. I just don’t get it anymore. It truly pains me to say it, but I don’t know how much more of Justin Fields we’re going to see before it becomes apparent that he simply isn’t an NFL QB. That’s truly heartbreaking for me, but it’s just the truth. I can’t even blame this on the team around him. For at least this week, this is on him.

And he needs to turn it around. Fast. 

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All stats taken from ESPN.